Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You

OK, I am fully aware I’m treading on sacred ground here. This
is the Golden Rule, after all. It applies to the big rules in life:
Don’t steal from someone because you don’t want your stuff
stolen. Don’t beat someone over the head because you don’t
want your head bashed in. Don’t sleep with your neighbor’s
wife unless you want your neighbor to sleep with your wife.
The Golden Rule makes a great deal of sense with the big stuff,
but it falls apart when applied to our needs and wants. It leads
one to the natural assumption that if you love to be lavished
with gifts and chocolate, then so does everyone else.
The Truth: Do Unto Others as They Want Done Unto Themselves.
The more people I have worked with, the clearer it
becomes how very different everybody is. Yes, all humans have
the need to eat, but some like mayonnaise and some don’t. 

Any good host knows that just because she likes goose liver, doesn’t
mean that her guests will like it. The best host takes into careful
consideration her guests’ dietary preferences. Joe is a vegetarian,
so I’ll make sure to have plenty of vegetable dishes, and Rhonda
is allergic to shrimp, so I’ll serve that as an appetizer instead of a
main course so she can avoid it. This is a thoughtful host—one
who is aiming to please her guests and make for a great evening
for all involved.
The same goes for our emotions. Just because you might
have the need to be appreciated doesn’t mean that all your
friends do as well. Perhaps what your best friend really needs is
to be included. So instead of wasting your breath appreciating
her, you would make her much happier by simply calling to
invite her to join in activities, even when you know she is busy
and can’t attend. The call to include her is what she really needs.
True, all humans have emotional needs, but some have the need
to be heard, some have the need to be in control, some have
the need to be taken care of, some have the need to share, some
have the need for order. We are all different. And it is in appreciating
and recognizing the differences that we live together
peacefully and happily.

Maggie, a very warm and personable woman, is an extrovert.
She has been happily married for years to an introvert.
While she gets energy from others and needs to be connected
to people, her husband, Frank, gets energy from being alone
and needs peace and solitude to recharge his batteries. Most
people make the mistake of assuming what is good for the
goose is good for the gander. Not Maggie. She knows that she
needs to be surrounded by people and loves a good chat. When
friends and family are over, at some point Frank invariably gets
up and excuses himself from the room to go off and read a
book. Maggie has always encouraged him to do this. While
some people might say, “Oh, don’t be a party pooper!” and
encourage Frank to stick around, or worse yet, criticize him because he wants to spend some time alone, Maggie knows
that he can only stand so much. As much as he loves his family
and friends, being around people drains his energy. Maggie
has always been supportive of his need for peace and solitude.
She’s never made a big deal out of him getting up to leave and
as a result, her friends and family accept it as well. And she
doesn’t deny her own needs either. She is perfectly happy to
travel alone or with another friend if her husband doesn’t wish
to accompany her. She has a vital social life and includes her
husband as much as he wants, but doesn’t expect him to keep
up with her. This is a great example of how two people with
diametrically opposing needs can be perfectly happy together
if they respect each other and don’t expect the other person to
have the same needs.