For every man who watched his mother be abused & decided to END THE CYCLE...
For any man or woman who has gained the coaurge to leave a toxic relationship...
For any man or woman who had went thru trauma before they were old enough to realize what it meant...
For any man or woman who has felt the need to leave the pain of this life behind but is still reading this today...
For any man or woman suffering today from any guilt, fear, anxiety or anger...
I AM SORRY, I LOVE YOU, I AM PROUD OF YOU! 💗 Three things no one hears enough.
So this past week I've had so many people enter my life that have compelled me to share my story.. I'm not sure exactly what kind of response I will get out of this but on Feb. 8th my morning started in a choke hold, blood around the room, and not being able to see clearly... My mother was trying to get my bedroom door unlocked, and the voice that belonged to the arm around my throat was telling me to say everything was okay... I've always been obedient and I did just that, tasting tears and blood I said, everything's okay..everything had not been okay in a long while.. but this was the end of feeling like a hostage in my own life.. there was no chance to manipulate me into staying... there was no more threatening my life because this was the real deal... I didn't have a chance to let my shame keep me from telling anyone... I didn't have a chance to be weak anymore... and a light just went off in my mind... you DO have a chance to finally save & take your life back.. I'm not sure exactly who said it but it was my voice pleading for an ambulance convincing this man who only showed me love in the form of violence that I didn't want him to die from blood loss.. even when the first responders finally got there we were sitting on the couch & he was telling the police they werent allowed to speak with me... totally disregarding my well being and need for medical attention as well... & during this moment I realized i had given everything to this man & it STILL wasn't enough. I didn't deserve to have hands put on me just like SO MANY other MEN & WOMEN who experience domestic violence & like many of them I was broken down mentally & physically to the point where I had given my life to someone else.. to use and abuse... to break me down, not for strength or tough love but just to break someone... because they had been broken... and no matter how much i tried to fix them, they have comfort in that life.. They expose it to those they can because misery loves company... But there's a point where you have to put more value on your life.. I know that my purpose here is to spread love & healing & mindfulness & I can't imagine losing my life at the hands of the very demons i fight in myself everyday ; ego, greed, lust, fear, anger... ect. I understand it's embarrassing and shameful & i also understand that you feel guilty for losing the hope that they can change.. I understand the fear, and the anxiety.. I've been there too many times... but this time I also finally understood that just like those you do for, you deserve love too. You deserve happiness, and a relationship that is holistically stimulating. You deserve safety and security. You deserve this life, don't give them the chance to take it from you anymore..
💔
For any man or woman who has gained the coaurge to leave a toxic relationship...
For any man or woman who had went thru trauma before they were old enough to realize what it meant...
For any man or woman who has felt the need to leave the pain of this life behind but is still reading this today...
For any man or woman suffering today from any guilt, fear, anxiety or anger...
I AM SORRY, I LOVE YOU, I AM PROUD OF YOU! 💗 Three things no one hears enough.
So this past week I've had so many people enter my life that have compelled me to share my story.. I'm not sure exactly what kind of response I will get out of this but on Feb. 8th my morning started in a choke hold, blood around the room, and not being able to see clearly... My mother was trying to get my bedroom door unlocked, and the voice that belonged to the arm around my throat was telling me to say everything was okay... I've always been obedient and I did just that, tasting tears and blood I said, everything's okay..everything had not been okay in a long while.. but this was the end of feeling like a hostage in my own life.. there was no chance to manipulate me into staying... there was no more threatening my life because this was the real deal... I didn't have a chance to let my shame keep me from telling anyone... I didn't have a chance to be weak anymore... and a light just went off in my mind... you DO have a chance to finally save & take your life back.. I'm not sure exactly who said it but it was my voice pleading for an ambulance convincing this man who only showed me love in the form of violence that I didn't want him to die from blood loss.. even when the first responders finally got there we were sitting on the couch & he was telling the police they werent allowed to speak with me... totally disregarding my well being and need for medical attention as well... & during this moment I realized i had given everything to this man & it STILL wasn't enough. I didn't deserve to have hands put on me just like SO MANY other MEN & WOMEN who experience domestic violence & like many of them I was broken down mentally & physically to the point where I had given my life to someone else.. to use and abuse... to break me down, not for strength or tough love but just to break someone... because they had been broken... and no matter how much i tried to fix them, they have comfort in that life.. They expose it to those they can because misery loves company... But there's a point where you have to put more value on your life.. I know that my purpose here is to spread love & healing & mindfulness & I can't imagine losing my life at the hands of the very demons i fight in myself everyday ; ego, greed, lust, fear, anger... ect. I understand it's embarrassing and shameful & i also understand that you feel guilty for losing the hope that they can change.. I understand the fear, and the anxiety.. I've been there too many times... but this time I also finally understood that just like those you do for, you deserve love too. You deserve happiness, and a relationship that is holistically stimulating. You deserve safety and security. You deserve this life, don't give them the chance to take it from you anymore..
💔
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