Most people have a fairly limited circle of contact. If you add
up all the names of your family, friends, and acquaintances, it will probably be about two hundred people. This is pretty much
the average. So, if you want to meet someone who is “one in a
million” you had better get busy. If you are in your late thirties,
you may have a fairly fi rmly established regular crowd of friends
that you hang around with. And, if you still haven’t found your
mate, then you need to do something to expand your contacts
and get exposure to some different people.
John Gray mentions this in his now classic relationship
book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. While I certainly
gained a few valuable insights from Gray, I have to admit
I disagree with him on one point. He suggests doing things you
don’t like doing to fi nd a mate. For example, go to a football
game if you hate sports. And worse yet, if you are normally a
late riser, get up early and walk the dog. I understand where he
is coming from—he is encouraging you to expand your circle
of contact. If you are a late sleeper and get up early to walk the
dog you’ll bump into that morning riser up at 6:00 a.m. every
day—someone you normally would not meet if you are still
buried under the covers. This looks like a great idea on the surface,
but then, if you do end up getting married, you’ll have to
deal with the fact that your partner is bouncing out of bed and
ready to start while you are just getting that second round of
deep, lovely R.E.M. sleep. Not an insurmountable problem, but
not ideal either. And, if you end up marrying the man you met
at the football match, how can you complain when he is glued
to the TV for every game of the season?
Why not do something you love or at least enjoy instead?
Take up fl y fi shing, wine tasting, or golfi ng, or join a running
club. You can try something new without trying something
you don’t like. This way, when you do meet the right mate, you
are much more likely to stick together if you have at least one
top core value in common.