I used to live right in the middle of New York City. People
don’t smile as much there as they do in other parts of the
country. Yet there is nothing so attractive as a smile. If you want
to be irresistible, smile. It takes a lot more energy to frown and
be grumpy than it does to be happy. Why waste your energy
being unhappy when you can just decide to be happy? It really is a conscious choice. Thomas Leonard, the founder of Coach
U, once said that while pain isn’t optional, suffering is. Life has
its ups and its downs and with that will inevitably come some
pain. You can’t avoid the pain, but you can choose whether or
not to suffer about it. I always explain this by asking if my clients
have ever seen a three-legged dog. When a dog loses a leg
for whatever reason, he doesn’t suffer about it. The pain is just
as real, but he licks his wounds and gets on with life. Dogs don’t
wander about dejected and aimless because they are missing a
leg. They are just as happy and excited to see you as before. Nor
do they let this get in the way of fi nding a doggy mate. Life goes
on with or without the leg. People are the ones who choose to
suffer. This doesn’t mean that painful things don’t happen. It
certainly doesn’t mean that you won’t ever cry or feel terribly
sad. It is a joy to be sad when you are sad and it is a joy to be
angry when you are angry. Revel in your feelings—enjoy them.
Cry your eyes out if you feel like it. But overall, you are a happy
camper because you’ve chosen to be happy.
You also have to ask yourself if you’ve set your life up to
make yourself happy. I am always amazed at the number of people
who are on medication for depression who are in jobs they
hate. If you hate your job and are doing it eight or more hours
a day, how can you expect to be happy? You aren’t supposed to
be happy. Your unhappiness indicates that you need to fi nd a
different job. Or for that matter, a different mate. If you aren’t
doing anything in your life that makes you happy, you probably
will be depressed.
For a quick cure, make a list of all the things that make you
happy and start doing those immediately. For example, one client
takes a nightly bubble bath complete with candles, a glass
of white wine, and a good book. This helped her relax and
unwind after a stressful day of work. Another client decided to
bike to work instead of drive and found this was a simple way
to build in daily exercise and made him feel great at the start of every day. Another client is happiest when helping others so
volunteers at a local hospital and visits both children and elderly.
One woman loves babies but has no children of her own. She
volunteers to hold babies at the hospital. Go eat an ice-cream
cone in the park or take a kid to see the zoo. The more things
you do that make you feel happy, the happier you’ll feel. A bit
obvious, yes, but it is amazing how often we don’t take time to
do anything at all that makes us happy. Unfortunately, watching
TV doesn’t make you happy, and that is what most do at the
end of the day. Do something that will naturally put a smile on
your face.
On the other hand, you can also fake it a bit. If you are
not in the habit of smiling, it may take practice. Go smile at
fi fty people this week. Count them. Smile at the grocery store
clerk. Smile at your boss. Smile at the parking lot guy. Smile at
yourself. Every time you are in the bathroom, look in the mirror,
give your best smile, and say, “Hi, good looking!” Even if
you don’t think it’s true. In fact, especially if you don’t think
it’s true. One client kept saying that he was ugly. He loved to
dance but was often rejected by women on the dance fl oor at
the local clubs. I asked him to do this exercise and one month
later he told me women were asking him to dance! And if he
asked a lady to dance and she turned him down, he would say,
“That’s too bad, you are missing out on a great turn around
the fl oor.” A scientifi c study proved that when you smile, the
muscle movement releases endorphins in your body and you
actually feel better. If you don’t feel like it, fake it. Smile anyway
for the practice and enjoy those endorphins. You’ll look and
feel irresistible.