A woman said to us, when she found out that she was going to be attending some holiday parties,
she said, “As soon as I heard that I was going, I started thinking, “Oh, Mary is going to be there.
She’s going to look so gorgeous””. She realized that just the idea of the party was causing her to
compare herself to other people. And she said to us, “I want to stop doing that. I want to feel good
about me, and just enjoy the parties no matter who is there”. She asked us if we could help her with
the process of pivoting and positive aspects. She knew she was feeling self-conscious and didn’t
know what to do about it. She said, “I don’t even want to go to the parties”.
We said to her, “While your feeling of self-consciousness is amplified, as you think about going to
these parties, it’s not Mary who is the reason for your discomfort”.
It often feels very complicated to sort out your relationships with other people. Sometimes you even
try to trace those feelings back to your childhood. But there really is no point in doing that. You
have the ability from right where you stand right now to find positive or negative aspects, to think
of wanted or unwanted. And whether you begin the process now or several days before you go to
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the party, or whether you wait until you’re at the party, your work is still the same: you must look
for things that feel good when you focus upon them.
Because you have more control over what’s activated in your own mind, it is usually much easier to
find the positive aspects of a situation before you’re standing right in the middle of it. So, if you do
imagine the situation as you want it to be, and you take the time to practice your positive response
to the upcoming situation, then when you’re at the party, you will witness the control that you set
into motion days before, before you were at the party.
You cannot feel good and bad at the same time. You can’t focus upon wanted and unwanted at the
same time. So, if you’ve trained your thoughts to what you consider to be good or wanted before
you arrive at the party, the LOA will deliver to you things that feel good and are wanted. It really is
as simple as that.
We said to our friend, if you want to feel different at these upcoming parties than you’ve felt at the
parties in previous years, you have to begin telling a different story. The story you’ve been telling
goes something like:
“I’m only invited to these parties because of my relationship with my mate. It really is not important
to anyone that I be there. I’m not really a part of his work environment, and I don’t really
understand most of the things that they are interested in. I’m like an outsider. Mary doesn’t feel like
an outsider like I do. Her confidence is obvious in the way she dresses and carries herself. I always
feel less attractive and less smart, less everything when I’m near Mary. I hate feeling like this. I
wish I didn’t have to go.”
We told our friend, here’s an example of a better feeling story:
“My mate is well respected at his firm. It’s nice that his company occasionally provides an
opportunity for people who work there to include their spouses to get to know one another. No one
there expects me to be up to speed with the inner workings of that environment. In fact, this is a
party where they will probably enjoy thinking about things other than their work. Life’s much larger
than what happens at my husband’s office. And since I’m never there, I may very well appear to be
a breath of fresh air to many of them, because I’m not bogged down in the things that they’re
troubled about. Mary seems light and friendly. She’s clearly not bogged down in office politics or
problems. It’s fun to watch her. She’s interesting. I wonder where she buys her clothes. Very pretty
things she wears.”
We wanted our friend to see that it’s not necessary to sort out every insecurity that she’d ever felt
and use this office party as a means to solve it. We told her, “Just find something positive to focus
upon, and feel the benefit of having done so. And in time Mary, or all the Maries, will be a nonissue.
In fact, Mary could become your friend. But in any case, it’s your decision to make. You just
have to vibrationally practice it to make it so”.
How can I not feel their pain?
Our friend Jerry said to us that it seemed to him that the majority of his discomfort is because of
observing others who are in discomfort or in pain. And he wanted to know how he could use the
pivoting process to not feel pain about their pain. We explain that whatever the subject of your
attention, it contains things that you want to see as well as things that you do not want to see. If
you’re feeling pain, it is not because the person that you’re observing is in pain, your pain is
because you’ve chosen to look at an aspect of them that causes you to feel pain. And there’s a big
difference. Of course, if this person were not feeling pain, but were instead joyful, it would be
easier for you to feel joyful. But you must not rely on conditions changing in order to control the
way you feel. You must improve your ability to focus positively regardless of the condition. And to
do that, it helps to remember that every subject has wanted and unwanted within it. And, if you’re
deliberate, you can find something that feels better.
Of course, it is easier just to observe something that’s right before your eyes, than it is to
deliberately sift for things that you would prefer to see. However, when it really matters to you that
you feel good, you’ll be less willing to merely lazily or sloppily observe, because your desire to feel
good will inspire a greater willingness to look for positive aspects. Also, the more you do look for
good feeling things to focus upon, the more of those kinds of good feeling things the LOA will
bring to you. Until in time you’ll be so positively oriented that you simply will not notice the things
that don’t match your positive orientation.
We were visiting with a mother at one time, and we encouraged her to just ignore her son’s
problems.
And she said, “But won’t he feel like I’ve abandoned him? Don’t I need to be there for him?”
And we explained to her that there is no abandonment in focusing upon the positive aspects of
someone’s life. And there is powerful value in abandoning any thoughts that do not feel good when
you think them. We told her, you will never help anyone by being their sounding board for problems or complaints. By holding an image of improvement in your son’s life you help him move
toward that. Be there for him. Call him there to that better feeling place.
When it’s your deliberate intention to feel good, and you really care about how you feel, you’ll find
more and more thoughts about more and more subjects that do feel good. And then you will be
better prepared to interface with others who could be feeling good or bad. Because of your desire to
feel good you will have prepaved your experience with others with whom you will be interacting.
And then it will be much easier for you to focus positively about their situation no matter what sort
of mess they’re in. But if you’ve not been tending to your own vibration and you’ve not been
consistently holding yourself in good feeling thoughts and vibrations, then you may be swept away
into their situation, and you may very well feel discomfort.
We just want to emphasize that you’re not feeling their pain caused by their situation, but instead
you’re feeling your own pain, brought about by your own thinking. There’s great control in that
understanding, and, if fact, true freedom. When you discover that you can control the way you feel
because you can control the thoughts you think, then you are free to joyously move about your
Planet. But when you believe that the way you feel is dependant upon the behavior or situations of
others, and you also understand that you have no control over those behaviors or situations, you do
not feel free. That, in fact, was the pain that our friend Jerry was describing.